Gorillotype
I had been recalled to Town on an urgent errand. One of the enhanced Gorillotypes, which, for their surprising wit, had been causing such a stir in London society as of late, had, it seemed, escaped from the enclosures of Her Majesty's personal menagerie.
"By Jove!," I'd exclaimed upon receiving the telegram, dressed on that inexplicably hot April day in my favourite gingham robe, which, I must confess, could hardly contain the many and glistening voluptuities of my corpus patricium, and "by Jove!" I exclaimed again, when, upon leaving Paddington Station, an obscure, slender fellow approached me, opened his overcoat, and revealed to me certain voluptuities (or rather semi-voluptuities) of his own.
He scurried away, and I was left so disturbed by the vulgar and unrefined execution of the act (I myself being a chartered, dues-paying member of the League of Perverts), that, despite the very urgent nature of the hyperprimate extermination, which, as Duke of Sommerset, I was patrinilineally duty-bound to perform, I changed course, and was soon before a local office of the jolly old LOP.
I entered to find a rather bored looking cockney at the front desk:
— 'Ello Guvnah! 'Ow can I be of assistance?
— I say, good man! Not ten minutes hence, I was witness to a truly miserable showing by one of our comrades in arms! I am here to report it.
— Blimey! 'At won't do! Where did you see the fellow?
— Right outside Paddington station.
— In what 'ardinal 'irection were you 'eaded?
— To the west, I believe.
The Cockney took a large logbook out from beneath his desk, flipped to an index in the back and muttered to himself "Quadrant BG." He then leafed to the middle and made his inspection, his index finger descending row after row of cramped handwriting. He did the same for the two or three surrounding pages, then sighed, looked up at me and said:
— Sorry, Sir, we 'on't 'eem to 'ave any'ody in that 'uadran'.
— But that can't be! He was one ours for sure...
— I 'on' 'ow 'a' 'o' 'ell 'ou 'ir, 'erha' 'eck 'i' 'e 'egion' 'o 'erver'.
— Sorry, my good man, I couldn't quite catch that.
— I 'e' 'y' 'o' 'u' 'e' 'i' 'e' 'o' 'p'.
— By Jove! — my consternation getting the better of me — speak clearly, man!
— ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '!
I grabbed him by his collar, and I am sure even now that I would have done some violence to him, had I not, at that very moment, perceived the even and inexorable rhythm of a pant hoot behind me. I attempted to beat a hasty retreat. It was too late. The doorway darkened. The Gorillotype was upon us.
07.05.2024